A farewell, on the day after yesterday.

I don't know how to start. But I started, didn't I? How is that possible? When you don't know how to but you do and you know you do. Did I?
Here I am. Am I? Where am I? You're there, aren't you? Where are you? I'm here. You're there. Are we? But where are we?

I'm in a crowded place. But everybody's starting to leave now. I plan on staying for a while. I'm in the usual place, but today it's crowded. Same day as a long yesterday ago but today it's different. I'm waiting for a present but it's running late. Do they deliver presents on a 1:25 AM? They do, right? Or am I just stupid? What were you trying to say? Even if it'd be too late, tell me.

Do you love yesterday? I do. Can I hate it now? I was 1 hour and 33 minutes late but how come it didn't come at all? I'm talking about my present here. There are strange things in this world. They happen on their own. Perhaps to tell us that we don't have presents in the first place.

In my mind, an apology keeps on replaying. For me not from me. But it was not yesterday. It was that day same as yesterday. Did you know? Someone was sleeping that day.

Everybody's gone now. Were they happy and fulfilled? Were they lonely? Were everybody given presents? Who knows. I'm sure they'll be back again. On a day, on THAT day, same as yesterday and yesterday ago. It will take a long while again but it will come. And when it comes, please...give me an apology again.

I bid goodbye to yesterday now. I give the lights a wave now. I thank everybody who came and recognized me. I'm grateful for the photographs. I thank me, I'm okay. No, I'll be okay.

I bid goodbye to a Christmas day.

Without you...

But I'll be staying for a while.

Oh,take me back to the start.

I recall a conversation.
Lines that changed a big part of my life..
On a day when there's no way you could forget about it anytime,soon.
I saw myself escaping from time
Transported inside my heart
And felt the same worst but best feeling again.
The time I first realized how it feels to have your dream come true
Is the same time I first realized how it feels to wake up...
The words echo in my head like heaven.

And once again...

It chased all my sanity away.

Contemplation

How tired I am of this unbearable distance between us.
How I long for the toll of the recess bell
Have you forgotten me?
Grown mindless of me
Please tell me I'm not writing into an abyss
or that is what will become of my heart.

You always used to.

Times when an expected disclosure still leads to disappointment, throbs again today.
I understand.
I don't feel bad that you're not here.
What shatters me is knowing that you could be here...
You just choose not to.

"My goodnight greeting is not for you"

"For who?"

"For someone else... Goodbye"




Sigh.

It's not cool to have another title that says "a bed time story. But it's not about being cool anyway: "A bed time story"

Right now, I'll write about something that I was writing a while ago.
I was writing about something but I thought I'm still a long way through finishing so I saved it in my drafts and will post it here some other time. For your information, it's 3:14 AM now. I don't really feel like sleeping yet, but I have to.
Today, or technically I should now refer it as yesterday...is Monday.
Suddenly, I couldn't figure out what the continuation of my thought is supposed to be. So that's it.
Yesterday is Monday. Today is Tuesday. How senseless. :D
Truths sometimes are senseless. But we have to live with them because we don't have a choice. I did say sometimes ,though. So, I'm free from disagreements.
The rain comes and goes. It will be my company to sleep tonight.
I'm not really looking forward to today but I'm waiting for it. Because there would be you. And everything makes sense. Even lamentation. Even ignorance. Even foolishness becomes so cheap of a word.

I'll leave you with the word that he wasn't able to tell me today.

Goodnight.

It's the color yellow,remember?

I couldn't count the length of time since we had a long talk
I couldn't count the number of times I repeated to myself how I long for them
Yesterday came
You were there
It's like talking for the first time
No pauses
No questions unanswered
No arguing
Both careful with words
Talked like nothing happened
And it lasted for hours
Your presence makes the whole world disappear from my mind
The teasing
The laughter
The usual reactions
The silliness
They were right before me again
It was all I ever wanted
All I've ever waited for once more
How come I felt so lonely?
Really lonely...

Silence.

You were there.
I was there with you.
Yet silence was the only sound
Deafening.
Threatening.
Melancholically lingered...

Your silence is the only pain I cannot endure.
Yet silence has always been the only sound.

A bedtime story.

A rainy 1:23 AM. A song that cuts through me is playing. Half finished junk food beside me and my phone that's half dead now. I was reading random articles a while ago and knowing myself who can't stand doing something tiring for long (yes, reading can be tiring for me) I decided to stop. And now, I'm running out of ideas of what to do. I'm waiting for an episode from a new anime I'm watching to finish buffering and I'll be watching that after a while. Oh, that's one thing to do, watch. That would be for later anyway. I was checking Facebook but it was boring. My eyes are kinda tired now and I'm upset as always but one thing's for certain- I don't want to sleep yet.

I'm even running out of ideas of what to write here too. Wait, why did I "write" anyway? Perhaps to tell you that I don't know what to write? My minds' blank right now. Blank of certain anything. Still,I'm "writing" and now you're reading. Pointless huh? Hey, who says you can't put up random things here?

Well, weekend has ended again. Time flies so fast, I can't even feel the weight of the monotony I'm going through everyday. I don't hate it though. I don't really like it either. But I'm beyond worrying of other things to actually be too much concerned about that for now. Maybe. You write a blog today, read it tomorrow and realize that everything you wrote was wrong, insignificant and uh..random non sense. And right now I don't think what I'm saying is actually making sense because everything that I say that doesn't make sense does actually make sense to me. I'm confused. I'm tired. I'm upset. I'm longing. I feel sorry. I'm worried. I'm scared. I'm sad. But weirdly, I feel nothing. So,does that make sense or not? Okay, I'll stop.

*Yawn*
I didn't realize I spent this whole time telling you, I had no idea what to write.:D
The episode finished buffering now but I don't think I'd still be able to watch it. What a shame.

You weren't able to do what you planned earlier for later because of spending time telling the world you don't have anything to do for now. Well, at least you did have something to do anyway. Who would have thought things that don't make sense could make sense?

If that even makes sense.

*shakes head and smiles*

Yuroshiku!

New account on a new blog site. No reason. I just wanted to try a site that's meant for blogging. Really meant for blogging. Or whatever. I used to trash out things on friendster blogs. Trash out things. What a "not so good" terminology for my thoughts and feelings. Well, a mere attempt on trying to sound cool here. No biggie. :D

I guess I'm gonna be saying a little too much of everything about me. Yes, it'll be raining drama, forgive me. Life would call you a wanderer, then at a time it would make you a prisoner of your own thoughts. My time just came. And there would be no other greater escape than writing them up. When thoughts are feelings, when feelings are thoughts, you turn them into words. Words that turn out appropriate and are better spoken when written in paragraphs than actually being uttered out.

So, hello blogspot! You're gonna be my new bestfriend!:p

Ah. My old blogs are here. (http://kayjelly.blog.friendster.com/)
Check them out,if you like.