Signs, flying fishes, and dreams that are not coming true

Flying fish

Do you believe in signs? The things that happen around you that you think have something to tell you about a certain decision you can't make up your mind to. In confusions, people often say, "please give me a sign!" and you can even imagine the desperation. Do you ask for them?

I, honestly, am one of those sign-seekers. I don't really have the perfect affirmation that they really help or have something to do with the decisions I have to make. I just feel like, I needed to feel that even my circumstances are aware of my confusions and are willing to make an easier way for me. That I'm not alone cracking up my mind with uncertainties and that there's something else I can depend on. Or maybe, those are just excuses. Maybe, I just really wanna believe that they are real because I've always hoped that perhaps they happen through Divine Providence for I always ask for them in prayers.

Then again, there wasn't really a moment in my life that anything like a sign winked at me on the corner telling me that it's a comrade...except for one.
You see, there's this "something" I'm stuck with. I'm thinking how I can convey what it is I'm stuck with but I can't come up with something simple. Let's call it DREAMS. Let's call it, HOPE. Let's call it, WAITING.

"...It's like waiting for a fish to fly..." is what I always say whenever I have someone else to tell the story to. You know it can't, yet you still wait. They would smile sadly because deep inside I can tell that they couldn't agree more. Because seriously, if the fish can't fly, just flippin' leave it alone! (I feel like adding a hundred more exclamation points) But there was this one time I was talking with a friend with the mentioned phrase and he was like "...but fishes do fly, right?" Me was, "?" Then he said, "Yeaaahh, GOOGLE it!" So I googled it and presto, I'M STUPID. They do fly! You can imagine the pathetic tone on the voice but no, it didn't matter to me at that time nor did it even enter my mind. Instead,the first thing that I could think of was, "Is that a sign?" A sign that I shouldn't give up? Is it, really? Or was I just  choosing to see it as a sign due to my need of internal encouragement? And is my now turning to pigs(or don't tell me they fly too)an indication? It doesn't matter.

I hope I could make this an affirmation that it was indeed a sign, and that yes, signs do exist but I still don't know. Right now, i still couldn't give up. Not because I finally knew that fishes do fly, but because...I couldn't.

So whether you can now finally laugh with the friends you told that to and agreed with you, for sharing the same stupidity, doesn't matter. Or the weakening disappointment that not anything can make a pig fly. And whether signs really do exist or not, doesn't matter.

Because in the end,the choice is still YOURS to make.