Circumference.

I'm not the type of person who's stingy with words. Not someone who lurks silently amongst the crowd either. I can be a conversationalist when the circumstance calls for it. I'd imitate a grown up's perception  and exchange only words where she would want a conversation to linger. I'd tackle a child, talk about dinosaurs and make up stories I'm fully aware would not make any sense. I'd tease a couple of youth and spare some giggling first love adventures to them. I'm someone who talks and laughs among a congregation with familiarity as my company. I can approach people normally and eliminate any awkwardness if I'd allow it to. I smile and make friends. I reason out when called and be remembered if I want to.

However, I too, am someone who choose my listeners. Who could care less if a crowd passes by while I wait patiently for what truly holds an importance to me. I'd mingle with varieties of individuality but remembers only those with true values. My social life does not encompass around numbers and figures. I don't count company with quantity. My world may revolve around an army of human but my life turns only for my own circle.

Most of us, or more appropriately all of us, unaware or not,have our own circles. We create them. We select and place individuals who'd complete them. Then they become our purposes. Something to always look forward to. The closest to our insanities with given authorizations. They become our definitions. The ones who truly matter.

I value my circle. Whenever I'd try treading outside my borders and seek different territories only to be alienated out, it's comforting to know that there's always a place to return to. A home.

But then...they have their own lives too. They have their own choices too. And a time will come when like me ,they need to discover their purposes as well on where to let their worlds revolve around and when to try striding on different grounds too.
I live in a home with a few parts left. Where recurring conflicts betwixt the captains ain't something new. Being the youngest of the legacy, it isn't so easy to adjust my sails and go my way too. For doing so, I would just be creating more of what I'd be running away from.
I observe as one by one, the other parts of my circle, go their own ways. And far away. I couldn't see them. I couldn't touch and hold them. They are incapable to always be there when you call on them anymore. And I could go crazy sometimes knowing I don't have so much option when I'm dying to have someone to talk to.
Restrictions. Distance. Silence. A long wait.

To know that leaving is a common part of life but so is coming back and finding something new. Or the perfect  awareness and faith that no matter how big a circumference of a circle may become, it's still a circle. Though I'm mindful that distance doesn't always mean loss and a long wait is not forever long, I can't seem to gather my deliverance. It could be my imbalanced hormonal discharge due to a regular phase for being a woman or a new set of getting used to's. It must be the sequence of ruins on the most random things lately, or recollection of wrong words for still vivid arguments. It could be anything else too, because even if I know that maybe it's just one of those days and that it absolutely isn't true, for the very first time...I feel. I do. I am.
Alone.
I feel so alone.