Alexithymia

The word alexithymia literally means "no words for emotions", from the Greek a for "lack". lexis for "word" and thymia for "emotion". Alexithymia is a maladaptive psychological disorder characterized by the inability to identify and verbally describe emotions and feelings in oneself as well as in others.
Lately I have been feeling emotionally challenged. Not so much about how I feel but more of like putting the words together to express how I feel.
 Even the mere things I wrote before right now came out in a really slow process. There was this flick I was in before, when you could easily tell I'm feeling down coz a blog entry magically appears on a daily basis. Blogging used to be my outlet, well still is right now, but for some reason I couldn't finish anything, much worse start something. I couldn't write anything long anymore. And allow me to say the dramatic words, now where's the refuge on that? 
Here I go explaining something about how i couldn't write about something and thinking that maybe it would compensate for the lost words.
I have been feeling a lot since the time I had decided to tread on a different phase in my life. And as I reviewed my blog, seeing how so little was said when there were so much more that was felt since then, I wondered...why?
Why didn't I write them? Why couldn't I?
As I search for visible answers in my mind while recalling the instances i backed out during those many times that I tried, somehow there's enlightenment. I knew why I didn't. I knew why I couldn't. And I know it's going to be a lot more like that from now on. For the same reason I'm writing this right now.

I did want to call it cowardice but I'd stand for something I think I'd take as an asset, something I dream of perfecting, something heroic, something that breaks my heart. Selflessness.